i'm kind of feeling like i'm not me. when did relating to people become so hard? maybe it's coming into a group alone, and everyone knows each other better than jack and jill. or, maybe it's me?
i guess reality is, at portfolio it was the same. so the past couple of times i've been placed in a new group of people, i've shut down. these people are great. a lot like my friends. but for some reason, i'm not connected. it's only been 5 days. i understand that. things take time. there are a few people i can have a conversation with, but others that make me feel completely out of place. it's a challenge for me. for sure not what i'm used to.
you at home, i miss you. i miss being around people i can cry with. people i can laugh with. people i can be me, be crazy, be odd....but maybe it's a pride thing.
my prayer is, Lord, that You would humble me. give me a heart to serve and love the people i'm around. laying myself down, thinking about how i can give, and not receive.
i am encouraged though. it's super cool how many kids see the face of the Lord through our shows. even though i have no clue what i'm doing. even though i haven't found how i can actually help instead of being in the way, the shows are making an impact. though i have nothing to do with it, i'm encouraged. once again, humbled.
i'm in a place of need. the best place to be. i don't want to be anywhere else but needing You.
Your will, not mine.
Monday, February 15, 2010
what's in my heart?
Posted by ooohemily at 12:02 PM
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3 comments:
emma! i'm so glad you are blogging :)thanks for sharing it- great way to get out your thoughts!! & now i can read about how you are doing :)! sounds like the past couple days have been tough, and i can totally relate. being in new situations, especially new people groups in unfamiliar places is so hard and so humbling. you find that you don't have the comfort of anyone else and are forced to have sole confidence in the Lord. take this as an opportunity to truly fall in love with Christ in a whole new way- you have nothing distracting you, its just you and him. find your confidence and idenity in him & i promise He will bring the relationships. keep being yourself and just be a joy to everyone around you like you always are. keep fighting girl, i know that you are on the brink of forming some amazing friendships- but it is a process.. not an easy one at that..but you can and will push through this.
sorry i'm signed into my teams blog from like a couple years ago..idk why it does that when i sign into my email... but that last comment (kenya team) is from anna bailey
whew. true words emily. that's right where you need to be. He is :)
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