never once.

"never once did we ever walk alone

scars and struggles on the way, but with joy our hearts can say, 'never once did we ever walk alone. carried by Your constant grace. held within Your perfect peace. never once, no, we never walk alone.

every step we are breathing in Your grace. evermore we’ll be breathing out Your praise. You are faithful, God.'" -matt redman, never once

2 corinthians 12:9-10 . . . "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." therefore i will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. for the sake of Christ, then, i am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. for when i am weak, then i am strong.

2 corinthians 4:16-18 . . . so we do not lose heart. though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. for this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not onto the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. for the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

1 john 4:9-10, 16-18 . . . in this, the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through Him. in this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. so we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. by this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as He is so also are we in this world. there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

ephesians 3:14-21 . . . for this reason i bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

God's work in my life right now is hard. it's real, but it's harder than ever. and the fruit is more joy. the fruit is stronger faith. the fruit is better relationships.

if God is for me, who can be against me? every moment i look back on, Christ Jesus's grace has been faithful. my Heavenly Father has been faithful. the Holy Spirit is faithful. at work. even now, in this dark cloud, this struggle, this hurt, this fear, this pain, God is good. working all things for our good. and drawing us closer to Him. closer to each other.

i'm pleased to be in a place where i need Him, despite any pain i may bear. i serve a faithful God.

--

I once was lost in darkest night Yet thought I knew the way The sin that promised joy and life Had led me to the grave I had no hope that You would own A rebel to Your will And if You had not loved me first I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race Indifferent to the cost You looked upon my helpless state And led me to the cross And I beheld God’s love displayed You suffered in my place You bore the wrath reserved for me Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone And live so all might see The strength to follow Your commands Could never come from me Oh Father, use my ransomed life In any way You choose And let my song forever be My only boast is You

-Sovereign Grace Music, All I have is Christ

--

i can't even imagine trying to do life on my own.

hope.

faithful when i'm not. ageless. constant. unchanging. loving. tender like a father.

"all through the storm, Your love is the anchor. my hope is in You alone." -faithful one

i realize i'm not the only one in the storm. i realize others are battling. today, i take my eyes off myself for one second. and i'm so blessed.

depression is dark, a storm. depression makes you want to stay in bed. it drains your energy. it kills your immune system. it causes doubt. self doubt. doubt of those around you. depression makes it hard to concentrate. depression keeps you from sleeping. it causes unhealthy eating habits. in severe cases, depression will bring about thoughts of suicide, and even attempts.

depression is something that you don't understand unless you've been there.

hope [hohp] noun, verb. hoped, hoping.
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; to believe, desire, or trust.

found in only one place. Jesus Christ.

without Christ, i can't even imagine facing depression. without Christ i wouldn't be here. and so many others. by His grace. by His mercy. He turns mourning into dancing and removes the sackcloth and replaces it with gladness (psalm 30:11-12). i can testify.

there are many types of depression. medical and emotional, that caused by spiritual warfare. medically, depression is typically categorized as "major," "chronic," or "manic."

major (clinical depression): debilitating, dangerous, not caused by circumstances, medications or drug abuse. may reoccur.

chronic: lasting more than 2 years; less serious than major; usually will stick with you throughout your entire life, and may have bats of major depression as a symptom. can be characterized by a mood, also easy to hide.

manic: the low, in the battle of high and low for someone who suffers from bipolar disorder.

whether major, chronic, or manic, there is hope for those in the storm.

i strongly believe that king david suffered from depression. i believe that we can see his struggle though psalms. i believe the Lord healed him and that his response was joy. his response was vocal.

psalm 30:11-12 . . . You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing Your praise and not be silent. o Lord my God, i will give thanks to You forever!

his glory was not silent.

a few years ago i came upon this verse. my heart was overwhelmed with joy. i had clarity for the reason behind my storm. i tattooed on my wrist david's prayer, "...and not be silent," challenging myself to share where i've been.

it's easy to share with people struggling. but i realize there are more struggling than my eyes are open to. i'm praying for boldness. i'm praying that the Lord reveal to me His purpose in the drive His hope has given me. i'm praying that others will find that hope, and they will proclaim as well.

i'm praying that your hope is in Christ alone. the Solid Rock. the Firm Foundation.

all storms are serious. whether it involves depression or not. every trial is a storm.

the rain is a promise. a promise that He loves me. a promise that He can call it off at any moment.

i have hope.

a heart of worship.

"we’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing,
You’re beautiful."
phil wickham

revelations 22:17 . . . The Spirit and the Bride say, “come.” and let the one who hears say, “come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price.

"there is still a longing in my heart."
"my soul Lord is thirsty, only You can satisfy, You're the well that never will run dry."
"all of my deserts are rivers of joy."
christy nockels

"my Lord, i did not choose You, for that could never be."
"i know that if i love You, You must have loved me first."
josiah conder

"when our hearts were far away, Your love went further still."
matt redman

psalm 111:1 . . . praise the Lord! i will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.

psalm 92:1 . . . it is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to Your name, o Most High.

psalm 95:3 . . . for the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods.

psalm 96 . . . oh sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth!
sing to the Lord, bless His name; tell of His salvation from day to day.
declare His glory among the nations, His marvelous works among all the peoples!
for great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; He is to be feared above all gods.
for all the gods of the peoples are worthless idols, but the Lord made the heavens.
splendor and majesty are before Him; strength and beauty are in His sanctuary.
ascribe to the Lord, o families of the peoples, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength!
ascribe to the Lord the glory due His name; bring an offering, and come into His courts!
worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness; tremble before Him, all the earth!
say among the nations, “the Lord reigns! yes, the world is established; it shall never be moved;
He will judge the peoples with equity.”
let the heavens be glad, and let the earth rejoice; let the sea roar, and all that fills it; let the field exult, and everything in it!
then shall all the trees of the forest sing for joy before the Lord, for He comes, for He comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness, and the peoples in His faithfulness.

"i can't sing loud enough when i'm singing for You my God."
phil wickham

the Lord answers prayers.

i get so excited about seeing the Lord's promises alive in my life. He promises, when we ask we shall receive. He promises, when you seek wisdom you will find it.

-

a few weeks ago i started praying specifically for wisdom. not for any one thing, but for wisdom in general. the Lord pointed me to proverbs. proverbs, as we all know, speaks volumes on wisdom. proclaims the value of wisdom, being more precious than gold. it gives us nugget after nugget of wisdom itself. i began reading. and i see the Lord answering my prayer for wisdom. i see little bits of fruit alive in me. i see the Holy Spirit.

proverbs 8:19 . . . MY FRUIT IS BETTER THAN GOLD, EVEN FINE GOLD, AND MY YEILD CHOICE SILVER.

proverbs 8:35 . . . FOR WHOEVER finDS ME FINDS LIFE AND OBTAINS FAVOR FROM THE LORD.

I feel like much of proverbs should be in caps. wisdom screams from the pages. at least at me. it's one of those things i know i have no right to ignore. i know without a doubt in my mind the power of the Lord in the pages of the Word, the Holy Spirit, speaking, stirring in my heart.

prayers answered.

-

jack and i have been praying for months about a huge decision in our lives. we've prayed and spoken with each other. we've sought wisdom in the Word. the next step was council. always hard. always humbling. and i prayed hard about it. who to approach. how to approach it. for wisdom. for encouragement. for peace. for faith. and we sought council last night. and we heard wisdom. found encouragement. felt peace. had faith. God is so good.

our decision hasn't been made. and it'll still require more time and prayer, and wisdom, and council. and i'm at complete peace, with so much faith for the stirring God has placed inside us. whether to change us, change others, or lead us elsewhere.

we not have questions to ask ourselves, and a context in which to continue to pray and evaluate.

prayers answered.

-

my health has been messy. at this point, i want to say it's been messy forever. but i wont. only 6 years. headaches. migraines. stomach pain. kidney stones. muscle problems. surgeries. intestinal problems. back pain. depression.

i've been under the shield of a thousand prayers. i've done so much. diets. medications. massage therapy. chiropractics. physical therapy. sleep. exercise.

things have begun to change. first in my heart. second in my body. not complete, and not every day. but when your heart is healed, your body follows.

prayers answered.

-

the Lord answered prayers.

fear of man.

fear is something i've constantly struggled with. peace is something that Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace has constantly given me. a peace that surpasses all understanding.

fear [feer] noun -
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

whether the threat is real or imagined.

in my case, there is no reason to fear. my chains are gone, i've been set free, my God, my Savior has ransomed me.

isaiah 41:10 . . . so do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

genesis 23:23 . . . fear not, for I am with thee, and will bless thee.

psalm 23:4 . . . even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
i will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

deuteronomy 1:21 . . . do not fear or be dismayed.

i face situations daily. in interactions with fellow believers. in conversations with my husband. in my thoughts. in my heart. even as i pray. i'm confronted my fear. i'm challenged. i'm tempted to be dishonest. i fall constantly into untrust. i lack faith.

Christ is real to me. His love. His saving grace. He has pulled me out if the pit, in all senses. He has saved me from ending my own life. He has loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. He has replaced my mourning with dancing.

there's so many things i don't do or say because fear inhibits me. i stop myself from sharing scripture. i stop myself from speaking truth. i convince myself of things that are untrue.

though most of my life i've (in joining the "unique" bandwagon) i've tried to go against the grain. but it's all distorted, fallacious. where i will face trial or judgment, i'm like a fish. i may be swimming upstream, but so are all the other fish around me.

there are so many around me who will judge all things Christ proclaiming. Anyone who openly proclaims Christ is the object of scrutiny in so many of my circles. even "Christian" circles. for this reason i've withheld my heart. as the Lord has challenged me to openly encourage others, i've refused.

it hit me again today how much my fear of man influences my ability to share the gospel. not only share the gospel, but live it. anna bailey tweeted this morning a quote from priscilla shirer: "we must remember that sharing Jesus is supposed to be a way we live, not just something we do." i easily forget this. and i easily dismiss my calling to be a witness.

i have SEEN, i have heard. it took a long while, but the lyrics to brooke fraser's , "Albertine" finally registered.

"now that i have seen, i am responsible."

God's work in my life is obvious to me. It's probably obvious to other too. That's how my God works. He isn't subtle. He's large.

i pray for my fear of man to disintegrate. i pray only for the fear of the Lord. my Awesome God whose Word never fails, whose peace surpasses all understanding, whose power spoke all things into being, He alone is worth fearing.

i pray that i will proclaim the truth of Jesus Christ more. that i will speak with boldness. that i will testify to the grace He has placed on my life. to the mercy He showed in sparing me.

thank you to all of you who pin verses. to all of you whose facebook statuses show of the joy overflowing in your heart for the gospel. to those of you who tweet, over and over, TRUTH. continue it. despite any criticism. continue it. but also, LIVE IT. SPEAK IT. be bold. you're all in my prayers, and i'm encouraged my your hearts to see the message of Jesus Christ alive in our generation.

hi. :)

i feel timid. like my words aren't worth reading. it's odd to post something public for the world to see. of course, though there are so many eyes on the world wide web, more commonly today known as the internet, very few read the mind ramblings of numerous bloggers. i used to post daily. sometimes multiple times. writing was my way of releasing. and as an adolescent female, releasing my thoughts and emotions was mandatory to my sanity. even now in my adulthood, releasing my thoughts and emotions is necessary, but i've felt a resistance in the way i share. and i'm timid.

it's almost uncomfortable when it's something i haven't done in ages. i'm not a shy person...typically...

but i love writing. so i'm going to challenge myself to begin writing again. writing for the world to read. writing to stretch my imagination and thought process. writing to encourage. writing to entertain.

await in suspense.

God is so good.

i'm stuck in a state of awe. God's graciousness is SO real to me in this moment.

have you ever had one of those time where someone is on your heart and you have no idea why. and you can't do anything but pray and pray and pray for them? i couldn't sleep last night, and now i know why. and what's beautiful? because of that, i was able to encourage and love someone who needed it deeply. i was able to find joy. i was able to experience Christ.

You're beautiful, Lord.