i knew it would happen.

philippians 2:1-12 . . . so if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. and being found in human form, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

i finally cried. on tour. hard.

praise the Lord for answering prayers. you pray to be humbled, to be broken, to be convicted, He does it. and it's a lot harder to handle than you planned. and then He does His thing. He comforts.

a 5 day break and short trip home couldn't have come at a better time. i'm ecstatic, to say the least, to be enveloped by people that give a rip. and i pray the love God has put inside them will refresh me, refresh me so i can come back and perhaps, love more.

if there is any encouragement in Christ.
any comfort from love.
any participation in the Spirit.
any affection and sympathy.

if there is. i know there is at home. and i need it. i NEED You Jesus. i need You to come through. i'm failing. discouraged. broken. alone.

it's so hard to set an example. i'm stuck on the speck in my brothers' eye. i feel so disrespected. but instead of letting Christ work, i continue to TRY to do it on my own.

well, thank the Lord for nights like tonight. times to break down. break down and be FREE. i can't do it. and that's such a freeing thing. i can't handle it, and that's okay. He wants to.

--

i need faith.

--

and the problem is this
we were bought with a kiss
but the cheek still turned
even when it wasn't hit

and i don't know
what to do with a love like that
and i don't know
how to be a love like that

when all the love in the world
is right here among us
and hatred too
and so we must choose
what our hands will do

where there is pain
let there be grace
where there is suffering
bring serenity
for those afraid
help them be brave
where there is misery
bring expectancy
and surely we can change
surely we can change
something

and the problem it seems
is with you and me
not the Love who came
to repair everything

where there is pain
let us bring grace
where there is suffering
bring serenity
for those afraid
let us be brave
where there is misery
let us bring them relief
and surely we can change
surely we can change
oh surely we can change
something

oh, the world's about to change
the whole world's about to change

--

i don't know how to be a love like that.