. . . it's You.

i could be one of the most emotional people in this world. i write something. i complain about something. i remember Truth. then i'm smiling and laughing.

i need Jesus so badly. great thing i have Him.

"and it looks like the sky is caving in again
i'm dry and cracked, the sky goes black
. . . oh, Spirit fall like rain on my thirsty soul
. . . break me and make me whole" -switchfoot

i haven't been crying enough recently, i've decided. or being with people enough. or being honest enough.

so here's honesty.

i'm crying right now. i need someone. i've lied to people.

but people don't cut it. they really don't. no offense to you. or you. but you're simply not Jesus. isn't that something to rejoice about? i'm not Jesus. i just need Him, bad.

i haven't received a real hug in a while. i'm scared of hugs i've realized. if someone hugged me for real, i would have to be honest. the hug would be honest for me.

i'm hurting.

where is this pain coming from? i don't even know. i really and truly don't know. but something is stabbing me. something is causing me to be quickly angered. they're probably different things. but all sin.

sin is painful.

i'm glad the Lord has led me to stay home. not just in ga, but in my parent's home. i need them.

my heart broke last night. hope center banquet. there was a testimony of a girl from kenya, victim of human trafficking. she's now on her own. she's a registered nurse with a little child. she is free from slavery. imagine how thankful for life SHE is. life in perspective.

why do i life so selfishly?
why do i live so scared?
why does it take a specific time of the week, group of girls, and focused heart for honesty to occur.

my prayer is for a honest and vulnerable heart. at all times.
my prayer is that i would be hands and feet, for a magnificent Jesus.
my prayer is a changed heart.

"and I find peace when I'm confused.
i find hope when i'm let down.
not in me.
but in You." -switchfoot