"people run in circles, it's a very very mad world."

i've been home for about 28 hours. home from ghana, kenya, and the u.a.e. accra, nirobi, navasha, karima, nakuru, and dubai. it's almost hard. having a life-changing experience that no one close to you witnessed. this doesn't make me greater, no, not at all. but i've struggled with feeling alone since i've been home. unknowingly overwhelmed. over compensating with sinful thought-life. there is so much to process.

i know there are actually a few who want to be a part of it. then it's to those few i come to, with no words.

no words.

but so many thoughts. i wish i was someone who was better at putting thoughts into words. but i'll try.

quoting my journal.

"you come to places like this and expect to be saddened, broken and humbled by the way people live. but instead you're saddened, broken and humbled by the way we live at home. these people, though we view them to live in so much poverty, are truly so rich in joy, life and love. you see the same thing on 99.9% of the faces...love for life. sure there are sad thing about the relationships they lack, and the lack of health they experience, but they still live in real community. thankful for every little thing. i wish i was so creative, and so resourceful. living simple has got to be the way to live."

"they may live primitively, according to our standards, but these are certainly not primitive people."

i feel so blessed. so encouraged, and so refreshed. those are not the realities i expected to experience returning home from africa. but the main things the Lord showed me are certainly more than i prayed for.

there is nothing like serving with other people. what an absolutely amazing thing, for 21 people, all from completely different lifes, completely different backgrounds, ages, testimonies. yet, with similar hearts, all there to serve, and therefore bonded. i've never seen a team come together like ours. i witnessed the different parts of the body coming together and functioning like one in a completely new way have i have ever witnessed. i've come to this, when the body functions as it is called to function, as one body, serving others, then, and only then is true community lived out. then, and only they are real relationships experienced. so, application? i'm looking for new ways to serve. new ways to volunteer, and finding out where real needs are, as i pursue this, i will invite you all, i will look to you, as "others who call upon the Lord" [2 timothy 2:22] to join me in service, to function as we are called. for the glory of the Lord.

i was so blown away by the couples on the trip. jennifer and james. cassy and andrew. katherine and tommy. i recognized my longing to serve alongside my husband. whomever he is, wherever he is, one day, and how exciting is it to say, we will serve together. we will work together, bouncing off each other, encouraging one and other, and helping each other. we will also, like the body, become one and serve together, as the Lord has called.

we were blessed to attend a funeral on the trip. a family in the community of karima lost a son a few days before we arrived. on sunday, after church, we visited the family and shared in mourning, as well as prayer and praise. there is nothing like this. we were asked to attend the funeral on wednesday, and i was so blessed to be a part of it. i have never, never in my life heard the gospel preached so passionately. so brilliantly. there was NO refusal. i pray that when my life is over, that is what my funeral is like. i pray, like this 20 year old boy who was murdered, my life works toward the growing of my Lord's kingdom. there is no way anyone can refuse the gospel when it is shared this way. i pray, even more than when my life is over, that i would live this way. the Lord is showing me what that should look like.

the difference in culture is incredible. the biggest thing is the lack of leadership among men. i actually got slapped in the face by it. i've spent so much time fed up with the men in my community. so much time complaining and having expectations. seeing the way these people live did nothing but make me thankful. thankful for every LITTLE thing the guys i know do. in the kenyan culture, the women do everything. hike 6 miles, 10 times a day to carry water in 50 lb. cans up hill to take care of their family. work, and provide for the family. take care of the children. you wouldn't believe the strength of these women. 90% of the men spend their days on the side of the road, literally watching the cars go by. we saw hundreds of men doing absolutely nothing. it broke my heart. what's amazing though, is as the men on our team stepped up. as the men on our team showed compassion and care for the women of the community, their men began to chip in. their men began to help. it's hard to imagine something as biblical as male leadership so void, but that's the kenyan culture. it's cool to see the Lord's hand, even in that.

there are so many culture differences that blow my mind. most of which cause me to struggle with my love for my own. as i've explained, these people know how to live. but the biggest thing the Lord showed me on this trip, home is my mission field.

"it's sad that it took this trip, $3500 and a 30 hour journey all the way to kenya for this to click. my mission is at home. we hear it all the time, your neighborhood is your mission field, but it's become reality to me now. americans are truly needy."

i memorized an entire chapter of the bible for the first time. on the trip. psalm 113. by my own choice. there is something about knowing scripture that truly changes the way you think. as psalm 113 repeats, over and over, "praise the Lord," it's something we hear all the time. we even believe it. we feel it. but when it's your thought, and constant meditation, there is new meaning. at least, there has been in my mind. i don't know that i've ever experienced more fear and reverence for the Lord, simply by repeating this scripture in my mind.

"praise the Lord. praise, o servants of the Lord. praise the name of the Lord. blessed be the name of the Lord from this time forth and forevermore. from the rising of the sun to it's setting, the name of the Lord is to be praised. He is high above all nations, and His glory above the heavens. who is like the Lord, our God, who is seated on high, who looks far down, on the heavens and the earth? He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash pit to make them sit with princes, the princes of His people. he gives the barren women a home and makes her the joyous mother of children. praise the Lord!"

what it means to you, i don't know. but my life is changing.

i was really encouraged by the story in matthew 25. when Jesus says to the sheep and the goats, "whatever you did for the least of these, you did for Me." let us feed the hungry. let us give drinks to the thirsty. let us invite in strangers. let us clothe the naked and take care of the sick. let us even, visit those in prison. all for the glory of the Lord. not because these are good things. not because it causes those around us to look on us with awe. no, to point all good things to the name of the Lord. when you do things for the least of these, you are doing them unto the Lord. praise Jesus.

i could go on and on. and i'll probably continue to ramble in following posts. i'm sorry to those who will get sick of hearing about kenya. hearing about africa. hearing about all the marvelous things the Lord is doing. your loss. the Lord's work is simply something for each of us to share and marvel in. the name of the Lord is to be praised.

God blesses. your ilfe is not your own.