psalm 42. + some.

As a deer pants for flowing streams,
so pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food
day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"
These things I remember,
as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my Salvation and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember You
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me,
a prayer to the God of my life.
I say to God, my Rock:
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?"
As with a deadly wound in my bones,
my adversaries taunt me,
while they say to me all the day long,
"Where is your God?"

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him,
my salvation and my God.


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first off: my tears have been my food.
second: that makes me angry. i'm trying SO hard. [obviously too hard] to give up, to lay it down before my Lord. i'm praying constantly, digging into His Word, but i'm downcast. my soul is cast down. and i'm questioning.

where -is- my God? why is He "forgetting" me? He promises not to. He promises to never leave or forsake me. obviously, this pain is not half of what i deserve, so i know He is here, He is showing me grace. but i'm weary.

i need prayer. i need people to join me in prayer. i need people to lay their hands on me and pray. i'm angry, lost, confused, humbled, obviously.





my plans always fail.