the Lord answers prayers.

i get so excited about seeing the Lord's promises alive in my life. He promises, when we ask we shall receive. He promises, when you seek wisdom you will find it.

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a few weeks ago i started praying specifically for wisdom. not for any one thing, but for wisdom in general. the Lord pointed me to proverbs. proverbs, as we all know, speaks volumes on wisdom. proclaims the value of wisdom, being more precious than gold. it gives us nugget after nugget of wisdom itself. i began reading. and i see the Lord answering my prayer for wisdom. i see little bits of fruit alive in me. i see the Holy Spirit.

proverbs 8:19 . . . MY FRUIT IS BETTER THAN GOLD, EVEN FINE GOLD, AND MY YEILD CHOICE SILVER.

proverbs 8:35 . . . FOR WHOEVER finDS ME FINDS LIFE AND OBTAINS FAVOR FROM THE LORD.

I feel like much of proverbs should be in caps. wisdom screams from the pages. at least at me. it's one of those things i know i have no right to ignore. i know without a doubt in my mind the power of the Lord in the pages of the Word, the Holy Spirit, speaking, stirring in my heart.

prayers answered.

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jack and i have been praying for months about a huge decision in our lives. we've prayed and spoken with each other. we've sought wisdom in the Word. the next step was council. always hard. always humbling. and i prayed hard about it. who to approach. how to approach it. for wisdom. for encouragement. for peace. for faith. and we sought council last night. and we heard wisdom. found encouragement. felt peace. had faith. God is so good.

our decision hasn't been made. and it'll still require more time and prayer, and wisdom, and council. and i'm at complete peace, with so much faith for the stirring God has placed inside us. whether to change us, change others, or lead us elsewhere.

we not have questions to ask ourselves, and a context in which to continue to pray and evaluate.

prayers answered.

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my health has been messy. at this point, i want to say it's been messy forever. but i wont. only 6 years. headaches. migraines. stomach pain. kidney stones. muscle problems. surgeries. intestinal problems. back pain. depression.

i've been under the shield of a thousand prayers. i've done so much. diets. medications. massage therapy. chiropractics. physical therapy. sleep. exercise.

things have begun to change. first in my heart. second in my body. not complete, and not every day. but when your heart is healed, your body follows.

prayers answered.

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the Lord answered prayers.

fear of man.

fear is something i've constantly struggled with. peace is something that Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace has constantly given me. a peace that surpasses all understanding.

fear [feer] noun -
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

whether the threat is real or imagined.

in my case, there is no reason to fear. my chains are gone, i've been set free, my God, my Savior has ransomed me.

isaiah 41:10 . . . so do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

genesis 23:23 . . . fear not, for I am with thee, and will bless thee.

psalm 23:4 . . . even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
i will fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

deuteronomy 1:21 . . . do not fear or be dismayed.

i face situations daily. in interactions with fellow believers. in conversations with my husband. in my thoughts. in my heart. even as i pray. i'm confronted my fear. i'm challenged. i'm tempted to be dishonest. i fall constantly into untrust. i lack faith.

Christ is real to me. His love. His saving grace. He has pulled me out if the pit, in all senses. He has saved me from ending my own life. He has loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness. He has replaced my mourning with dancing.

there's so many things i don't do or say because fear inhibits me. i stop myself from sharing scripture. i stop myself from speaking truth. i convince myself of things that are untrue.

though most of my life i've (in joining the "unique" bandwagon) i've tried to go against the grain. but it's all distorted, fallacious. where i will face trial or judgment, i'm like a fish. i may be swimming upstream, but so are all the other fish around me.

there are so many around me who will judge all things Christ proclaiming. Anyone who openly proclaims Christ is the object of scrutiny in so many of my circles. even "Christian" circles. for this reason i've withheld my heart. as the Lord has challenged me to openly encourage others, i've refused.

it hit me again today how much my fear of man influences my ability to share the gospel. not only share the gospel, but live it. anna bailey tweeted this morning a quote from priscilla shirer: "we must remember that sharing Jesus is supposed to be a way we live, not just something we do." i easily forget this. and i easily dismiss my calling to be a witness.

i have SEEN, i have heard. it took a long while, but the lyrics to brooke fraser's , "Albertine" finally registered.

"now that i have seen, i am responsible."

God's work in my life is obvious to me. It's probably obvious to other too. That's how my God works. He isn't subtle. He's large.

i pray for my fear of man to disintegrate. i pray only for the fear of the Lord. my Awesome God whose Word never fails, whose peace surpasses all understanding, whose power spoke all things into being, He alone is worth fearing.

i pray that i will proclaim the truth of Jesus Christ more. that i will speak with boldness. that i will testify to the grace He has placed on my life. to the mercy He showed in sparing me.

thank you to all of you who pin verses. to all of you whose facebook statuses show of the joy overflowing in your heart for the gospel. to those of you who tweet, over and over, TRUTH. continue it. despite any criticism. continue it. but also, LIVE IT. SPEAK IT. be bold. you're all in my prayers, and i'm encouraged my your hearts to see the message of Jesus Christ alive in our generation.

hi. :)

i feel timid. like my words aren't worth reading. it's odd to post something public for the world to see. of course, though there are so many eyes on the world wide web, more commonly today known as the internet, very few read the mind ramblings of numerous bloggers. i used to post daily. sometimes multiple times. writing was my way of releasing. and as an adolescent female, releasing my thoughts and emotions was mandatory to my sanity. even now in my adulthood, releasing my thoughts and emotions is necessary, but i've felt a resistance in the way i share. and i'm timid.

it's almost uncomfortable when it's something i haven't done in ages. i'm not a shy person...typically...

but i love writing. so i'm going to challenge myself to begin writing again. writing for the world to read. writing to stretch my imagination and thought process. writing to encourage. writing to entertain.

await in suspense.

God is so good.

i'm stuck in a state of awe. God's graciousness is SO real to me in this moment.

have you ever had one of those time where someone is on your heart and you have no idea why. and you can't do anything but pray and pray and pray for them? i couldn't sleep last night, and now i know why. and what's beautiful? because of that, i was able to encourage and love someone who needed it deeply. i was able to find joy. i was able to experience Christ.

You're beautiful, Lord.

romans 5:1-11 . . . therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. more than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. for while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. for one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. for if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. more than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

psalm 145:14-21 . . . the Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. the eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing. the Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works. the Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them. the Lord preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. my mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless His holy name forever and ever.

glorify Your Name through me.

for the past month i've been home. a little over a month actually. the entire time, i've struggled continuously with pride, selfishness, and brokenness. while brokenness may be the best response to pride and selfishness, it seems to have taken some serious time for true conviction. i've continually gone to the Lord in confession and prayer. really, continuously. but for some reason, i allowed my heart to grow hard. my selfishness grew as i became almost bitter toward the Lord for not "fixing" me.

sunday brought conviction.

Jesus died on the cross. who did it glorify? God. CHRIST'S obedience brought His FATHER glory. i'm called to obedience, not for my own glory [which i've certainly had expectations of] but for the glory of my Father in Heaven. Christ was given the name Jesus, by the Father, because of His spectacular obedience. the Name above all names.

what is it that i am called to? what does "spectacular obedience" look like for me?

philippians 2:3-11. do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, Who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. and being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

spectacular obedience means counting others more significant than myself. to the glory of the Father, not myself.

my prayers have been repetitive. but i'm realizing they will remain the same for life. i will always be needy. i will always be weak. i will always need the strength of God the Father for every action, thought, and word. i can't obey except for because of what has been done for me on the cross.

this song touched me. brought my heart out in words.

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o great God - sovereign grace music

o great God of highest heaven
occupy my lowly heart
own it all and reign supreme
conquer every rebel power
let no vice or sin remain
that resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
make me Yours forevermore

i was blinded by my sin
had no ears to hear Your voice
did not know Your love within
had no taste for heaven’s joys
then Your Spirit gave me life
opened up Your Word to me
through the gospel of Your Son
gave me endless hope and peace

help me now to live a life
that’s dependent on Your grace
keep my heart and guard my soul
from the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
with my every thought and deed
o great God of highest heaven
glorify Your Name through me

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my plea.
help me now to live a life that’s dependent on Your grace.
help me now to realize my life IS dependent on Your grace. has been, and forever will be.
glorify Your Name through me.

Let me love.

1 corinthians 1:26-31 . . . brothers, think of what you were when you were called. not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. but God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. it is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, Who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. therefore, as it is written: "let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

my weakness is truly becoming my joy. i'm so thankful to be in a place of need. anything i do is by the power of Christ. anything good, noble, right, is of Him. His strength, not my own.

it's apparent that on my own i am nothing. it's apparent that i am not "good." my nature is sin. yet i'm saved. now righteous. BY THE POWER OF CHRIST JESUS!

i'm so thankful for the current opportunity i have to be surrounded by unbelievers. my prayer is that my hear would be this, from 1 corinthians. that i would know what i've been saved from. that i would have no expectations of my peers to be moral, holy, or righteous. it's not in them.

Father, let me be an example. Let me be a light. Let me love.