You are my joy.

i'm broken tonight.

it's amazing to me how one little comment can change the plans of your whole evening. how one sentance can cause your heart to bask in His grace for hours.

i'm not who i want to be. and that's brilliant.

God's grace, alive in me tonight has again saved me. as i'm sitting here counting the grey dots, He reminds me that i'm special. He reminds me that HE made me.

He makes all things glorious.
in the words of David crowder, what does that make me?

maybe those grey dots will stop sticking.


1 john 4:18 . . . there is no fear in Love, but perfect Love casts out [all] fear.

God is Love.
God is that perfect love.
He casts out all fear.


as i was working tonight. a song came on, brought me to tears. covered my body in chills. it was the truth i needed from Christ tonight.

how He loves -- david crowder
He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. when all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me.

and oh, how He loves us oh
oh how He loves us,
how He loves us all.

and we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, if His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. and heaven meets earth like an sloppy wet kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, i don’t have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about, the way that He loves us.

---

i'm thankful for great worship music still existing.
i'm remembering the faithfulness that He has given in past times of need.
i'm needing words of encouragement.
i'm wanting clarity.

i'm resting.
resting in this ocean of grace.
resting, even as i'm sinking.


Jesus, thanks for being my best friend.

"oversize and rude, fear is unwilling to share the heart with happiness. happiness complies and leaves. do you ever see the two together? can one be happy and afraid at the same time? clear thinking and afraid? confident and afraid? merciful and afraid? no. fear is the big bully in the high school hallway: brash, loud, and unproductive. for all the noise fear makes and room it takes, fear does little good."

"what if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats?"

"getting on board with Christ can mean getting soaked with Christ."

"it's not the absence of storms that sets up apart. it's whom we discover in the storm: and unstirred Christ."

"fear corrodes our confidence in God's goodness."

"the fear-filled cannot love deeply. love is risky . . . the fear filled cannot dream wildly."

just started a book, "fearless" by max lucado. wouldn't have picked it up on my own, and i'm not impressed by the writing, but definitely encouraged by the topic. i've certainly lived a lot of my life in fear. still do. really feel like it's the root of most of the sin in my life. the point of the book is to realize Christ's promise in His statement, "why are you afraid?" the promise that we can leave tomorrow less afraid than today. fear itself isn't a sin, but can lead to sin.

more to come. i've been thinking more than writing the past couple of days. usually not the best.

thankful.

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

--

ephesians 2:4-7 . . . but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

2 corinthians 5:17 . . . therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Lord, we praise You for who You are, what You have done, and the life YOU have given us. without You, i'm unholy. without You, i'm unworthy. Lord, YOU have clothed me in holiness, worth, grace, love, joy, peace, and abundant life.

i can't focus on anything these days but what He has done for me. crazy theme going on in my walk-- :Lord, give me the grace to respond to the gospel. give me the grace to love the way that You have loved me.

Beautiful One, i love you.

short and sweet.

psalm 18:28 . . . You, o Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

psalm 18:30-32 . . . as for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. for who is God besides the Lord? and who is the Rock except our God? it is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

"and i can't sing loud enough, when i'm singing to You my God." -phil wickham

really, there is nothing more glorious than what has been done for me, and for you. there is nothing more refreshing than dwelling on that grace that saved me from darkness and calls me to walk in the light.

there is NOTHING more refreshing than the spirit working inside you calling you to do things you could and would NEVER do on your own.

thank You Jesus for answering prayer. for changing me. for loving me. make that love overflow.

good.

psalm 16:2 . . . I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

no good thing.

that means He dwells in every good thing. every blessing comes from His hands.

so, what defines a good thing?

psalm 84:11 . . . no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

matthew 7:7-11 . . . "ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? if you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

He gives good gifts. and He withholds nothing good. therefore everything He gives is good, everything you ask for and do not receive is evil [i know, that's bold].

everything i have, every situation i face, everyone i come in contact with, all these things are good. part of Your holy will for my life.

it's amazing. life is amazing.

i'm pretty much in awe of the abundant life the Lord gives. He desires to give. He blesses. His love is overwhelming.

Your love is extravagant.
Your friendship, it is intimate.
i feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace.
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place.
Your love is extravagant.

the simple things in life have never meant more to me. i've always wanted this, but never been filled the way i've pleaded. until now. spending time in small towns, staying up late doing nothing, having a conversation with someone i don't know. it's beautiful.

Lord, i'm in awe of Your grace.

i will wait on You.

psalm 13 . . . how long, o Lord? will You forget me forever? how long will You hide your face from me? how long must i take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? how long shall my enemy be exalted over me? consider and answer me, o Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, "i have prevailed over him,"lest my foes rejoice because i am shaken. but i have trusted in Your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. i will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

i am shaken.
BUT.
i will sing to the Lord for He has, He has been good to me.

i will wait on You.
i will wait on You.
i will wait on You.

waiting Lord.

psalm 27:13-14 . . . i had fainted, unless i had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, i say, on the Lord.

psalm 37:5 . . . commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

psalm 37:7 . . . rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him . . .

psalm 62:5-8 . . . my soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defense; i shall not be moved. in God is my salvation and my glory: the Rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us.

isaiah 40:28 . . . hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of His understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

lamentations 3:25 . . . the Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him.

micah 7:5-7 . . . put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend, guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house. but as for me, i will look to the Lord; i will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

romans 8:24-25 . . . for in this hope we were saved. now hope that is seen is not hope. for who hopes for what he sees? but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

psalm 46:1 . . . God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

--

"it's not faith if you're using your eyes." -- paramore

psalm 118- shane & shane

give thanks to the Lord for He is good
His love endures forever
He is my strength and He's my song
His love endures forever
i will proclaim what He has done
His love endures forever

i will enter and give thanks to Him
this holy gate the righteous may enter
i will give You thanks
You answered me, You are my salvation

this is the day the Lord has made
i will rejoice and be glad in it
this is the day the Lord has made

--

i don't want to sound miserable. i'm not miserable. i'm simply in need. once again, the absolute best place. though not fun, i don't want to be anywhere else but on my knees before the Lord.

being in a place where the Word is your only comfort is a challenge, but a blessing. this is simply a season, and a season which the Lord's faithfulness and holy Word will get me through.

i know with one word You can answer my plea in my favor, but Lord, Your will, not mine. learning to wait is a joy. i'm finding joy in knowing You are at work. and in the blessings of Your timing.

--

have you ever ended up somewhere, not sure how you got there? then the Lord uses it to bless all involved? yesterday, the Lord took a group of us into a gift shop where He showed His glorious face. His beautiful face. in the eyes of a hurting mother, in the hugs of an encouraging body, in the words of four friends simply basking in His presence.

thank You Jesus for these times.