psalm 9:1-2 . . . i will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; i will recount all of Your wonderful deeds. i will be glad and exult in Your Name, o Most High.

been counting my blessings the past couple of days. its really helped change my perspective. that, along with some great encouragement by a new friend. i'm excited about how the Lord is challenging me right now. and very blessed by His faithfulness in granting me some great conversation, and fun times.

new thoughts last night. about life. what i want to do, and how once again, i realize i'm always limiting myself. the things i want to do, i've always told myself i can't. so, now i'm evaluating. again. what do i want in life. [more on that.]

matthew 13:44 . . . the Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. which a man found and covered up. then in His joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

what's my treasure?

You are. Lord, make Your way straight before me [psalm 5:8].

that's it.

dichotomy.

i'm distracted.
i'm frustrated.
i'm confused.
i'm questioning.

i've found myself to be very judgmental. more so than i've ever been. i see the things you do as a ploy for attention. i see your shoulder shrug as a defense mechanism. i see your friendliness as artificial.
i see myself.

i'm being stretched.
i'm challenged.
i'm encouraged.
i'm amazed.

it's brilliant to see Your hand. it's comforting to be in need. i love because You do.
i see You.

--

yeah, i'm struggling. but it's brilliantly joyful. there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. truth.

psalm 5:7-8 . . . but i, through the abundance of Your steadfast love, will enter Your house. i will bow down toward Your holy temple in fear of You. lead me, o Lord, in Your righteousness . . . make Your way straight before me.

through the abundance of YOUR steadfast love...make YOUR way straight before me.

there is nothing good in me. only in You.
there is nothing good in my plan. only in You.
there is nothing good in my heart. only in You.

by Your grace, Jesus, beautiful Jesus, change me.

--

matthew 13:23 . . . as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. he indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

"when the harvest time is over and i still see no fruit, i will wait for You."

--

psalm 6:2-4 . . . be gracious to me, o Lord, for i am languishing; heal me, o Lord, for my bones are troubled. my soul also is greatly troubled. but You, o Lord—how long? turn, o Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.

--

i miss the right questions.
listening ears.
challenging words.

for the first time in my life, as i try to figure people out, i can't. i can't even figure myself out. that's where i'm thankful for an all-knowing Savior who cradles me.

--

i feel bi-polar right now.
crazy ups and downs.
i'm a girl.
and today, that bothers me.


dichotomy.
division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action.

it's been a defining word for me for a long time.
instead, You define me.

John 1:12 - i am a child of God.

John 15:15 - i am Christ's friend.

John 15:16 - i am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.

Acts 1:8 - i am a personal witness of Christ for Christ.

Romans 3:24 - i have been justified and redeemed.

Romans 6:1-6 - i died with Christ and died to the power of sin's rule in my life.

Romans 6:7 - i have been freed from sin's power over me.

Romans 6:18 - i am a slave of righteousness.

Romans 8:1 - i am forever free from condemnation.

Romans 8:17 - i am an heir of God and fellow heir with Christ.

Romans 11:16 - i am holy.

Romans 15:7 - Christ has accepted me.

1 Corinthians 1:2 - i have been sanctified.

1 Corinthians 1:30 - i have been placed in Christ by God's doing; Christ is now my wisdom from God, my righteousness, my sanctification, and my redemption.

1 Corinthians 2:12 - i have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God.

1 Corinthians 2:16 - i have been given the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19 - i am a temple of God; His Spirit [life] dwells in me.

1 Corinthians 6:17 - i am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.

1 Corinthians 6:19,20 - i have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God.

2 Corinthians 2:14 - He always leads me in His triumph in Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:14,15 - since I have died, i no longer live for myself, but for Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - i am a new creation.

2 Corinthians 5:21 - i am the righteousness of God in Christ.

Galatians 2:20 - i have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ's life.

Ephesians 1:3 - i am blessed with every spiritual blessing.

Ephesians 1:4 - i was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blame before Him.

Ephesians 1:7,8 - i have been redeemed and forgiven, and am a recipient of His lavish grace.

Ephesians 2:10 - i am God's workmanship, created in Christ to do His work that He planned beforehand that I should do.

Ephesians 2:13 - i have been brought near to God.

Ephesians 2:18 - i have direct access to God through the Spirit.

Ephesians 3:12 - i may approach God with boldness and confidence.

Ephesians 4:24 - i am righteous and holy.

Philippians 4:7 - His peace guards my heart and my mind.

Philippians 4:19 - God will supply all my needs.

Colossians 1:13 - i have been delivered from the domain of darkness and transferred to the kingdom of Christ.

Colossians 1:14 - i have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been canceled.

Colossians 1:27 - Christ Himself is in me.

Colossians 2:10 - i have been made complete in Christ.

Colossians 2:12,13 - i have been buried, raised, and made alive with Christ, and totally forgiven.

Colossians 3:4 - Christ is now my life.

Colossians 3:12 - i am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.

2 Timothy 1:7 - i have been given a spirit of power, love, and discipline.

2 Timothy 1:9 - i have been saved and called according to God's purpose and grace.

1 Peter 2:9,10 - i am a part of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of God's own possession.

1 Peter 2:11 - i am an alien and stranger to this world that I temporarily live in.

2 Peter 1:4 - i have been given God's precious and magnificent promises by which I am a partaker of the divine nature.

1 John 4:15 - God is in me and I am in God.

--

i'll repeat over and over.

galatians 2:20 . . . i have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
colossians 3:4 . . . when Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
colossians 2:10 . . . and you have been given fullness in Christ, Who is the head over every power and authority.

take a sad song, and make it better.

matthew 13:16-17 . . . but blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. for truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

isn't it beautiful to be a child of God? to have a Father who listens? to have a friend to cares? to have arms that are always open?

He chose me.
He opened my eyes. blessed my eyes.
He allows me to hear.
He gives me wisdom to understand.

i'm feeling overwhelmed with joy this morning. empowered by the Word. what a blessing to be given life.

romans 8:10 . . . if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

philippians 1:21 . . . for to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

life. in. death.
my friends, there is life in laying down.

romans 12:1 . . . i appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

we are made complete when His glory is satisfied.

can i get an amen?!

what's in my heart?

i'm kind of feeling like i'm not me. when did relating to people become so hard? maybe it's coming into a group alone, and everyone knows each other better than jack and jill. or, maybe it's me?

i guess reality is, at portfolio it was the same. so the past couple of times i've been placed in a new group of people, i've shut down. these people are great. a lot like my friends. but for some reason, i'm not connected. it's only been 5 days. i understand that. things take time. there are a few people i can have a conversation with, but others that make me feel completely out of place. it's a challenge for me. for sure not what i'm used to.

you at home, i miss you. i miss being around people i can cry with. people i can laugh with. people i can be me, be crazy, be odd....but maybe it's a pride thing.

my prayer is, Lord, that You would humble me. give me a heart to serve and love the people i'm around. laying myself down, thinking about how i can give, and not receive.


i am encouraged though. it's super cool how many kids see the face of the Lord through our shows. even though i have no clue what i'm doing. even though i haven't found how i can actually help instead of being in the way, the shows are making an impact. though i have nothing to do with it, i'm encouraged. once again, humbled.

i'm in a place of need. the best place to be. i don't want to be anywhere else but needing You.

Your will, not mine.

the repeated challenge.

matthew 10:26-27 . . . so have no fear of them, for nothing that is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. what I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

matthew 10:39 . . . whoever finds His life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

i'm one of those people who continues to want to do more. i'll never be in a place of satisfaction. i'm thankful, now, that the Lord has created me this way. because now, instead of having the desire to perfect myself, i have a desire to try harder to further His kingdom. in Him, my joy is complete.

----

went to Lakewood's youngadults group last night. you know, joel osteen's church. great group. i was really encouraged by their desire to reach out. as well as their desire for personal growth, even within a huge body. they pound you with getting involved in a small group, that's great.

the message was on submission. truly submitting in all relationships, and what that looks like.

ephesians 5:21 . . . submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

submitting is giving up your "rights," is what was explained. your right to attention, care, words of affirmation, you know, all the things you expect from others. we were encouraged to go into a room thinking about how we can give, truly serve, instead of how we can receive and benefit from those around us.

this is the way Christ lived.
therefore, it's my prayer that He will continue to sanctify my heart and place for me on the front of my mind a how-t0-serve attitude.

----

He blesses.
what a mighty God we serve.

and here i am.

it's been a while since the last public blog. but this is probably the first of many for while i'm on the road.

not sure where to begin, it's been a long day. one of those days that seems like a dream cause you're walking around basically asleep but having to act like you're all there. know what i mean? maybe.

i have to confess, i didn't spend my flight reading the Word, or wake up early to dig in. instead i've been anxious and scatter-brained. but i'm re-focusing now. the reason why i'm here is written on my arm. the reason for the trip is written on my heart.

psalm 30:11-12 . . . You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

do not be silent.

one thing to the next.

12:42 pm. phone rings. it's jeff.
jeff is the tour leader from silver ring thing.
jeff is the one who e-mailed me december 14 saying the team was full, they found who they needed.
jeff says to me, "we're adding to the team, we have over 60 events planed between now and may, and we need more team members, you're at the top of my list."
i call daddy.
daddy suggests because of my health, and where i'm at currently, i wait until february 9, after our family cruise.
i call jack.
i call mrs. hollis.
we're meeting at 4:30.
i call jeff again.
jeff says it's okay for me to join in february, and they will help with $100 of my plane ticket to get there.
jeff encourages that i seek support from friends and family.
all the while i'm talking online to josiah, christy, gabriel, trent, and jack.
i'm texting emily.
i'm e-mailing arron, susan, francesca, josiah, teresa, and scott.
i'm messaging the girls who are praying.
jeff calls again. he can get me a ticket from atlanta to houston on february 9 for $99.
susan e-mails back saying she had just prayed for me this morning in regards to SRT.

i'm blown away.
what a mighty God i serve.
truth: He does more than we can ask or imagine.

ephesians 3:20 . . . now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Your hands, my Lord, are so big. Your love and Your goodness are beyond comprehension. i'm in a place of extremely joy and thankfulness. i praise You Lord for You are good, Your love endures forever.

"God let me not be distracted, Lord help me focus on you.
keep sin from ruining my life Lord, make me holy and pure.
Father You pick me up, i feel like a child in Your arms.
i don't deserve this love but, i hear Your voice Lord Jesus." -rebecca st. james.



Lord, You are more precious than silver
Lord, You are more costly than gold
Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds
and nothing i desire compares with You.