conversation.

psalm 34:1-3 . . . i will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. my soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!

together.
let us exalt His name together.

conversation is interesting.

i mentioned something in conversation two days ago, "my mom is really good at keeping conversation focused on truth." i hadn't realized that about my mom until it came out of my mouth. and i hadn't realized until i thought about it how much conversation ISN'T focused. i've some some incredible Christian influences in my life. even on the road, there are 12 other relationships with Christ. 12 other perspectives, backgrounds, and faiths. oh, what could i learn from focused conversation? how could i encourage? how can i be challenged?

i want to be good at focusing conversation on truth. i want to be good at challenging others to think. i want to be able to share my heart, be open about my relationship with the Lord.

these are all things i really need to grow in.

psalm.

psalm 33:20-22 . . . we wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. in Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy Name. may your unfailing love rest upon us, o Lord, even as we put our hope in You.

psalm 25:4-5 . . . make me to know Your ways, o Lord; teach me Your paths. lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long.

i'm in one of my favorite places in the entire world tonight. looking out a window in front of me, and all i can see are other windows, of big, bright buildings. does it get better? only if the wind isn't blowing. oh chicago. it's funny to think where i was 7 months ago. i thought i was moving here. i thought i was leaving the world i knew at home, and leaving, on my own, for my life adventure in chicago. i thought i was leaving behind the life i thought i wanted, and was going to grow and move on. funny. every time i make plans, You change them.

psalm 33:10-11 . . . the Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. the counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations.

proverbs 16:9 . . . the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

thanks for establishing me steps.

there is no better place for me than right here. no place better i can ask for, or imagine. that's why i'm thankful for His way, not my own. the plans i had are NOTHING compared to the adventure i'm on now.

thanks Papa. :)

my prayers for you.

one of the most important things i've learned being on tour is to pray for the people around you. this team is nothing like i expected. the "unity" is lacking, or at least, i'm not a part of it. my fault? possibly. but i continue to pray.

missy, my current mentor, has encouraged me repeatedly when i'm struggling with team members, "let's pray." and we do. or her advice, "pray for them." and i do.

this morning, it hit me. paul's prayer in phillippians 1 is my heart! i've been praying this prayer for those i'm struggling with, that i may begin to see them through the eyes of Christ.

philippians 1:3-11 . . . i thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. and i am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. it is right for me to feel this way about you all, because i hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. for God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. and it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

it's the truth. i am thanking God for these people. for the struggles. for who God made them to be. for the work He is doing. i do pray with joy, because the Lord is changing my heart. and because these are my brothers and sisters, fellow children of the Living God. i KNOW the work He has begun, and i'm watching it play out. it's beautiful. i have to constantly remind myself that we are ALL partakers of grace. when my flesh takes ahold, and i'm hurt, worried, angry, i realize again and again the grace that i am under, begin to take of those judgmental eyes and realize the grace we're ALL under. "you are all partakers of grace with me." i pray i don't forget that His grace is enough for all. lastly my prayer is that we will all abound in love, more and more. not so things are more fun. not so that things are easier. but so that we may be pure and blameless on the day of Jesus Christ. filled with the fruit of righteousness. glory and praise to God.

i'm still so needy. i can't keep loving on my own. but praying for my heart to change is all i can do currently. praise God for being a good God who IS at work.

blessed be the Name of the Lord,
blessed be His glorious Name!

today, may MY heart abound with more love than yesterday.
may be scales fall from MY eyes.
may i humble myself before everyone around me.

Jesus, make me more like You.

You are my joy.

i'm broken tonight.

it's amazing to me how one little comment can change the plans of your whole evening. how one sentance can cause your heart to bask in His grace for hours.

i'm not who i want to be. and that's brilliant.

God's grace, alive in me tonight has again saved me. as i'm sitting here counting the grey dots, He reminds me that i'm special. He reminds me that HE made me.

He makes all things glorious.
in the words of David crowder, what does that make me?

maybe those grey dots will stop sticking.


1 john 4:18 . . . there is no fear in Love, but perfect Love casts out [all] fear.

God is Love.
God is that perfect love.
He casts out all fear.


as i was working tonight. a song came on, brought me to tears. covered my body in chills. it was the truth i needed from Christ tonight.

how He loves -- david crowder
He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. when all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me.

and oh, how He loves us oh
oh how He loves us,
how He loves us all.

and we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, if His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. and heaven meets earth like an sloppy wet kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, i don’t have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about, the way that He loves us.

---

i'm thankful for great worship music still existing.
i'm remembering the faithfulness that He has given in past times of need.
i'm needing words of encouragement.
i'm wanting clarity.

i'm resting.
resting in this ocean of grace.
resting, even as i'm sinking.


Jesus, thanks for being my best friend.

"oversize and rude, fear is unwilling to share the heart with happiness. happiness complies and leaves. do you ever see the two together? can one be happy and afraid at the same time? clear thinking and afraid? confident and afraid? merciful and afraid? no. fear is the big bully in the high school hallway: brash, loud, and unproductive. for all the noise fear makes and room it takes, fear does little good."

"what if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats?"

"getting on board with Christ can mean getting soaked with Christ."

"it's not the absence of storms that sets up apart. it's whom we discover in the storm: and unstirred Christ."

"fear corrodes our confidence in God's goodness."

"the fear-filled cannot love deeply. love is risky . . . the fear filled cannot dream wildly."

just started a book, "fearless" by max lucado. wouldn't have picked it up on my own, and i'm not impressed by the writing, but definitely encouraged by the topic. i've certainly lived a lot of my life in fear. still do. really feel like it's the root of most of the sin in my life. the point of the book is to realize Christ's promise in His statement, "why are you afraid?" the promise that we can leave tomorrow less afraid than today. fear itself isn't a sin, but can lead to sin.

more to come. i've been thinking more than writing the past couple of days. usually not the best.

thankful.

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

--

ephesians 2:4-7 . . . but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

2 corinthians 5:17 . . . therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Lord, we praise You for who You are, what You have done, and the life YOU have given us. without You, i'm unholy. without You, i'm unworthy. Lord, YOU have clothed me in holiness, worth, grace, love, joy, peace, and abundant life.

i can't focus on anything these days but what He has done for me. crazy theme going on in my walk-- :Lord, give me the grace to respond to the gospel. give me the grace to love the way that You have loved me.

Beautiful One, i love you.

short and sweet.

psalm 18:28 . . . You, o Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

psalm 18:30-32 . . . as for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. for who is God besides the Lord? and who is the Rock except our God? it is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

"and i can't sing loud enough, when i'm singing to You my God." -phil wickham

really, there is nothing more glorious than what has been done for me, and for you. there is nothing more refreshing than dwelling on that grace that saved me from darkness and calls me to walk in the light.

there is NOTHING more refreshing than the spirit working inside you calling you to do things you could and would NEVER do on your own.

thank You Jesus for answering prayer. for changing me. for loving me. make that love overflow.

good.

psalm 16:2 . . . I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

no good thing.

that means He dwells in every good thing. every blessing comes from His hands.

so, what defines a good thing?

psalm 84:11 . . . no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

matthew 7:7-11 . . . "ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? if you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

He gives good gifts. and He withholds nothing good. therefore everything He gives is good, everything you ask for and do not receive is evil [i know, that's bold].

everything i have, every situation i face, everyone i come in contact with, all these things are good. part of Your holy will for my life.

it's amazing. life is amazing.

i'm pretty much in awe of the abundant life the Lord gives. He desires to give. He blesses. His love is overwhelming.

Your love is extravagant.
Your friendship, it is intimate.
i feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace.
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place.
Your love is extravagant.

the simple things in life have never meant more to me. i've always wanted this, but never been filled the way i've pleaded. until now. spending time in small towns, staying up late doing nothing, having a conversation with someone i don't know. it's beautiful.

Lord, i'm in awe of Your grace.