i will wait on You.

psalm 13 . . . how long, o Lord? will You forget me forever? how long will You hide your face from me? how long must i take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? how long shall my enemy be exalted over me? consider and answer me, o Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, "i have prevailed over him,"lest my foes rejoice because i am shaken. but i have trusted in Your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. i will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

i am shaken.
BUT.
i will sing to the Lord for He has, He has been good to me.

i will wait on You.
i will wait on You.
i will wait on You.

waiting Lord.

psalm 27:13-14 . . . i had fainted, unless i had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, i say, on the Lord.

psalm 37:5 . . . commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

psalm 37:7 . . . rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him . . .

psalm 62:5-8 . . . my soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defense; i shall not be moved. in God is my salvation and my glory: the Rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us.

isaiah 40:28 . . . hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of His understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

lamentations 3:25 . . . the Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him.

micah 7:5-7 . . . put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend, guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house. but as for me, i will look to the Lord; i will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

romans 8:24-25 . . . for in this hope we were saved. now hope that is seen is not hope. for who hopes for what he sees? but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

psalm 46:1 . . . God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

--

"it's not faith if you're using your eyes." -- paramore

psalm 118- shane & shane

give thanks to the Lord for He is good
His love endures forever
He is my strength and He's my song
His love endures forever
i will proclaim what He has done
His love endures forever

i will enter and give thanks to Him
this holy gate the righteous may enter
i will give You thanks
You answered me, You are my salvation

this is the day the Lord has made
i will rejoice and be glad in it
this is the day the Lord has made

--

i don't want to sound miserable. i'm not miserable. i'm simply in need. once again, the absolute best place. though not fun, i don't want to be anywhere else but on my knees before the Lord.

being in a place where the Word is your only comfort is a challenge, but a blessing. this is simply a season, and a season which the Lord's faithfulness and holy Word will get me through.

i know with one word You can answer my plea in my favor, but Lord, Your will, not mine. learning to wait is a joy. i'm finding joy in knowing You are at work. and in the blessings of Your timing.

--

have you ever ended up somewhere, not sure how you got there? then the Lord uses it to bless all involved? yesterday, the Lord took a group of us into a gift shop where He showed His glorious face. His beautiful face. in the eyes of a hurting mother, in the hugs of an encouraging body, in the words of four friends simply basking in His presence.

thank You Jesus for these times.

psalm 9:1-2 . . . i will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; i will recount all of Your wonderful deeds. i will be glad and exult in Your Name, o Most High.

been counting my blessings the past couple of days. its really helped change my perspective. that, along with some great encouragement by a new friend. i'm excited about how the Lord is challenging me right now. and very blessed by His faithfulness in granting me some great conversation, and fun times.

new thoughts last night. about life. what i want to do, and how once again, i realize i'm always limiting myself. the things i want to do, i've always told myself i can't. so, now i'm evaluating. again. what do i want in life. [more on that.]

matthew 13:44 . . . the Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. which a man found and covered up. then in His joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

what's my treasure?

You are. Lord, make Your way straight before me [psalm 5:8].

that's it.

dichotomy.

i'm distracted.
i'm frustrated.
i'm confused.
i'm questioning.

i've found myself to be very judgmental. more so than i've ever been. i see the things you do as a ploy for attention. i see your shoulder shrug as a defense mechanism. i see your friendliness as artificial.
i see myself.

i'm being stretched.
i'm challenged.
i'm encouraged.
i'm amazed.

it's brilliant to see Your hand. it's comforting to be in need. i love because You do.
i see You.

--

yeah, i'm struggling. but it's brilliantly joyful. there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. truth.

psalm 5:7-8 . . . but i, through the abundance of Your steadfast love, will enter Your house. i will bow down toward Your holy temple in fear of You. lead me, o Lord, in Your righteousness . . . make Your way straight before me.

through the abundance of YOUR steadfast love...make YOUR way straight before me.

there is nothing good in me. only in You.
there is nothing good in my plan. only in You.
there is nothing good in my heart. only in You.

by Your grace, Jesus, beautiful Jesus, change me.

--

matthew 13:23 . . . as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. he indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

"when the harvest time is over and i still see no fruit, i will wait for You."

--

psalm 6:2-4 . . . be gracious to me, o Lord, for i am languishing; heal me, o Lord, for my bones are troubled. my soul also is greatly troubled. but You, o Lord—how long? turn, o Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.

--

i miss the right questions.
listening ears.
challenging words.

for the first time in my life, as i try to figure people out, i can't. i can't even figure myself out. that's where i'm thankful for an all-knowing Savior who cradles me.

--

i feel bi-polar right now.
crazy ups and downs.
i'm a girl.
and today, that bothers me.


dichotomy.
division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action.

it's been a defining word for me for a long time.
instead, You define me.

John 1:12 - i am a child of God.

John 15:15 - i am Christ's friend.

John 15:16 - i am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.

Acts 1:8 - i am a personal witness of Christ for Christ.

Romans 3:24 - i have been justified and redeemed.

Romans 6:1-6 - i died with Christ and died to the power of sin's rule in my life.

Romans 6:7 - i have been freed from sin's power over me.

Romans 6:18 - i am a slave of righteousness.

Romans 8:1 - i am forever free from condemnation.

Romans 8:17 - i am an heir of God and fellow heir with Christ.

Romans 11:16 - i am holy.

Romans 15:7 - Christ has accepted me.

1 Corinthians 1:2 - i have been sanctified.

1 Corinthians 1:30 - i have been placed in Christ by God's doing; Christ is now my wisdom from God, my righteousness, my sanctification, and my redemption.

1 Corinthians 2:12 - i have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God.

1 Corinthians 2:16 - i have been given the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19 - i am a temple of God; His Spirit [life] dwells in me.

1 Corinthians 6:17 - i am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.

1 Corinthians 6:19,20 - i have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God.

2 Corinthians 2:14 - He always leads me in His triumph in Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:14,15 - since I have died, i no longer live for myself, but for Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - i am a new creation.

2 Corinthians 5:21 - i am the righteousness of God in Christ.

Galatians 2:20 - i have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ's life.

Ephesians 1:3 - i am blessed with every spiritual blessing.

Ephesians 1:4 - i was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blame before Him.

Ephesians 1:7,8 - i have been redeemed and forgiven, and am a recipient of His lavish grace.

Ephesians 2:10 - i am God's workmanship, created in Christ to do His work that He planned beforehand that I should do.

Ephesians 2:13 - i have been brought near to God.

Ephesians 2:18 - i have direct access to God through the Spirit.

Ephesians 3:12 - i may approach God with boldness and confidence.

Ephesians 4:24 - i am righteous and holy.

Philippians 4:7 - His peace guards my heart and my mind.

Philippians 4:19 - God will supply all my needs.

Colossians 1:13 - i have been delivered from the domain of darkness and transferred to the kingdom of Christ.

Colossians 1:14 - i have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been canceled.

Colossians 1:27 - Christ Himself is in me.

Colossians 2:10 - i have been made complete in Christ.

Colossians 2:12,13 - i have been buried, raised, and made alive with Christ, and totally forgiven.

Colossians 3:4 - Christ is now my life.

Colossians 3:12 - i am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.

2 Timothy 1:7 - i have been given a spirit of power, love, and discipline.

2 Timothy 1:9 - i have been saved and called according to God's purpose and grace.

1 Peter 2:9,10 - i am a part of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of God's own possession.

1 Peter 2:11 - i am an alien and stranger to this world that I temporarily live in.

2 Peter 1:4 - i have been given God's precious and magnificent promises by which I am a partaker of the divine nature.

1 John 4:15 - God is in me and I am in God.

--

i'll repeat over and over.

galatians 2:20 . . . i have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
colossians 3:4 . . . when Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
colossians 2:10 . . . and you have been given fullness in Christ, Who is the head over every power and authority.

take a sad song, and make it better.

matthew 13:16-17 . . . but blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. for truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

isn't it beautiful to be a child of God? to have a Father who listens? to have a friend to cares? to have arms that are always open?

He chose me.
He opened my eyes. blessed my eyes.
He allows me to hear.
He gives me wisdom to understand.

i'm feeling overwhelmed with joy this morning. empowered by the Word. what a blessing to be given life.

romans 8:10 . . . if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

philippians 1:21 . . . for to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

life. in. death.
my friends, there is life in laying down.

romans 12:1 . . . i appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

we are made complete when His glory is satisfied.

can i get an amen?!

what's in my heart?

i'm kind of feeling like i'm not me. when did relating to people become so hard? maybe it's coming into a group alone, and everyone knows each other better than jack and jill. or, maybe it's me?

i guess reality is, at portfolio it was the same. so the past couple of times i've been placed in a new group of people, i've shut down. these people are great. a lot like my friends. but for some reason, i'm not connected. it's only been 5 days. i understand that. things take time. there are a few people i can have a conversation with, but others that make me feel completely out of place. it's a challenge for me. for sure not what i'm used to.

you at home, i miss you. i miss being around people i can cry with. people i can laugh with. people i can be me, be crazy, be odd....but maybe it's a pride thing.

my prayer is, Lord, that You would humble me. give me a heart to serve and love the people i'm around. laying myself down, thinking about how i can give, and not receive.


i am encouraged though. it's super cool how many kids see the face of the Lord through our shows. even though i have no clue what i'm doing. even though i haven't found how i can actually help instead of being in the way, the shows are making an impact. though i have nothing to do with it, i'm encouraged. once again, humbled.

i'm in a place of need. the best place to be. i don't want to be anywhere else but needing You.

Your will, not mine.

the repeated challenge.

matthew 10:26-27 . . . so have no fear of them, for nothing that is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. what I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

matthew 10:39 . . . whoever finds His life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

i'm one of those people who continues to want to do more. i'll never be in a place of satisfaction. i'm thankful, now, that the Lord has created me this way. because now, instead of having the desire to perfect myself, i have a desire to try harder to further His kingdom. in Him, my joy is complete.

----

went to Lakewood's youngadults group last night. you know, joel osteen's church. great group. i was really encouraged by their desire to reach out. as well as their desire for personal growth, even within a huge body. they pound you with getting involved in a small group, that's great.

the message was on submission. truly submitting in all relationships, and what that looks like.

ephesians 5:21 . . . submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

submitting is giving up your "rights," is what was explained. your right to attention, care, words of affirmation, you know, all the things you expect from others. we were encouraged to go into a room thinking about how we can give, truly serve, instead of how we can receive and benefit from those around us.

this is the way Christ lived.
therefore, it's my prayer that He will continue to sanctify my heart and place for me on the front of my mind a how-t0-serve attitude.

----

He blesses.
what a mighty God we serve.

and here i am.

it's been a while since the last public blog. but this is probably the first of many for while i'm on the road.

not sure where to begin, it's been a long day. one of those days that seems like a dream cause you're walking around basically asleep but having to act like you're all there. know what i mean? maybe.

i have to confess, i didn't spend my flight reading the Word, or wake up early to dig in. instead i've been anxious and scatter-brained. but i'm re-focusing now. the reason why i'm here is written on my arm. the reason for the trip is written on my heart.

psalm 30:11-12 . . . You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

do not be silent.