romans 5:1-11 . . . therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. more than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. for while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. for one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved by Him from the wrath of God. for if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of His Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by His life. more than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

psalm 145:14-21 . . . the Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. the eyes of all look to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand; You satisfy the desire of every living thing. the Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His works. the Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear Him; He also hears their cry and saves them. the Lord preserves all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy. my mouth will speak the praise of the Lord, and let all flesh bless His holy name forever and ever.

glorify Your Name through me.

for the past month i've been home. a little over a month actually. the entire time, i've struggled continuously with pride, selfishness, and brokenness. while brokenness may be the best response to pride and selfishness, it seems to have taken some serious time for true conviction. i've continually gone to the Lord in confession and prayer. really, continuously. but for some reason, i allowed my heart to grow hard. my selfishness grew as i became almost bitter toward the Lord for not "fixing" me.

sunday brought conviction.

Jesus died on the cross. who did it glorify? God. CHRIST'S obedience brought His FATHER glory. i'm called to obedience, not for my own glory [which i've certainly had expectations of] but for the glory of my Father in Heaven. Christ was given the name Jesus, by the Father, because of His spectacular obedience. the Name above all names.

what is it that i am called to? what does "spectacular obedience" look like for me?

philippians 2:3-11. do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, Who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. and being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

spectacular obedience means counting others more significant than myself. to the glory of the Father, not myself.

my prayers have been repetitive. but i'm realizing they will remain the same for life. i will always be needy. i will always be weak. i will always need the strength of God the Father for every action, thought, and word. i can't obey except for because of what has been done for me on the cross.

this song touched me. brought my heart out in words.

---------------

o great God - sovereign grace music

o great God of highest heaven
occupy my lowly heart
own it all and reign supreme
conquer every rebel power
let no vice or sin remain
that resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
make me Yours forevermore

i was blinded by my sin
had no ears to hear Your voice
did not know Your love within
had no taste for heaven’s joys
then Your Spirit gave me life
opened up Your Word to me
through the gospel of Your Son
gave me endless hope and peace

help me now to live a life
that’s dependent on Your grace
keep my heart and guard my soul
from the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
with my every thought and deed
o great God of highest heaven
glorify Your Name through me

---------------

my plea.
help me now to live a life that’s dependent on Your grace.
help me now to realize my life IS dependent on Your grace. has been, and forever will be.
glorify Your Name through me.

Let me love.

1 corinthians 1:26-31 . . . brothers, think of what you were when you were called. not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. but God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. it is because of Him that you are in Christ Jesus, Who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. therefore, as it is written: "let him who boasts boast in the Lord."

my weakness is truly becoming my joy. i'm so thankful to be in a place of need. anything i do is by the power of Christ. anything good, noble, right, is of Him. His strength, not my own.

it's apparent that on my own i am nothing. it's apparent that i am not "good." my nature is sin. yet i'm saved. now righteous. BY THE POWER OF CHRIST JESUS!

i'm so thankful for the current opportunity i have to be surrounded by unbelievers. my prayer is that my hear would be this, from 1 corinthians. that i would know what i've been saved from. that i would have no expectations of my peers to be moral, holy, or righteous. it's not in them.

Father, let me be an example. Let me be a light. Let me love.

remove the log in mine.

romans 2:1 . . . you, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.

is it funny that being judgmental is a new temptation for me? in the past it's been so easy for me to love others [yet impossible to love myself]. it seems i've had a pendulum swing.

praise the Lord for a new day. for little victories.

Lord, let my heart match Yours. Lord, break me until i'm resting in Your arms. Let my words, thoughts, and actions imitate those of Your Son. humble me for Your glory.

show me Your heart. show me Your ways. show me Your glory.

what does your wake look like?

have you ever entered into a group of Christians, and rather than being encouraged, your broken down? there's something wrong with that picture, but it happens all the time.

in my own heart i'm praying to be broken down. that i would not enter in with a judgmental spirit, or a spirit of self-righteousness. i pray that the Lord uses me as an example, and that i may lead in serving and encouraging.

my heart is braking for the Christians i've been surrounded by. braking for them, and being broken by them.

i heard someone speak the other day on leadership. "it's a leader's responsibility to encourage his followers." that's the line that stuck out to me, and the line that tore at me. when i'm in a leadership position, am i encouraging those under my wing? that's what makes a true leader. like Jesus, we must come as servants. laying ourselves down.

it's sad how pride can destroy so powerfully, even in Christian circles. especially in Christian circle. i know i'm certainly victim, falling into pride and failing to serve and encourage.

paul, even in his place of wisdom beyond years had HUMILITY to match. this morning i'm encouraged by his spirit when longing to meet with fellow believers.

romans 1:11-12 . . . for i long to see you, that i may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.

paul's desire matches the Lord's. his desire is to strengthen others, by the power given to him by the Father. he goes in hoping to be encouraged by others as well, not with a prideful spirit thinking only -he- will have an affect. his hope is to be affected.

i've been discouraged and broken down by my current circle. and i've allowed that to keep me from serving and encouraging my fellow believers in truth. in three days i'll be entering back into another circle, and for that, i'm blessed. i'm excited for the opportunity to bask in the Lord's grace and mercy and allow Him to shine through me.

for these last days on tour, it is my prayer than i can humble myself and serve. that i wont allow other's to control the living spirit within me.

i confess a judgmental heart, and i pray for a heart to love. a heart to love like He does. a heart to serve like He did. and wisdom and words to encourage every opportunity i get.

go out in faith!

surrender.

Psalm 25:1-11 . . . to You, o Lord, i lift up my soul. o my God, in You i trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. indeed, none who wait for You shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous. make me to know Your ways, o Lord; teach me Your paths. lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You i wait all the day long. remember Your mercy, o Lord, and Your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to Your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of Your goodness, o Lord! good and upright is the Lord! therefore He instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble His way. all the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. for Your name’s sake, o Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great.

--as i wait, You make me strong
as i long, You draw me to Your arms
as i stand and sing Your praise
You come, and You fill this place

job 19:25 . . . i know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand upon the earth.

that's all there is.

my mind has been racing today. so much going on in my head. my favorite place to be is when i can't make sense of anything, and there is nothing sound, but truth.

truth is that my Redeemer lives.
that i am redeemed.
that in the end, HE will stand upon the earth.
again.

i'm so over not loving one another.
how do i change?
Lord, change me.

better than thousands elsewhere...

colossians 1:9-12 . . . for this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. and we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, Who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light.

be strengthened with all power according to His glorious might! have great endurance and patience. joyfully give thanks to the Father.

joyfully giving thanks to my Father. that's where i'm at today. i've been in a hole the past few days. praying without ceasing, but simply because i was not making it on my own. i knew i couldn't. i was failing, falling quickly.

"but joyfully, through prayer and petition, present your requests to the Lord."

"turn Your ear to me, o Lord."

i called, You answered.
You came to my rescue.
i want to be where You are.

my soul longs, even faints for You.
for here my heart is satisfied,
within Your presence.


well, there is nothing better than the power of my Savior.

praise the Lord, for He is faithful.
His love endures forever!

respond to grace.

ephesians 1:5-8 . . . in love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, with which He has blessed us in the Beloved. in Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight.

the riches of His grace, He has lavished upon us.

"take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
take my love, my Lord i pour
at Your feet its treasure store
take myself and i will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
take myself and i will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

here am i, all of me.
take my life, it's all for Thee."

what's your response?

well well well.

i haven't written in over a week. and i'm talking about more than blogging. i haven't done my thing, where i write pages and pages daily. there's something i want to write about, but i don't even know where to begin. i'm still speechless. wordless.

i'm engaged. surprise surprise! maybe not to you, but to me. it's a dream that is coming true, a dream i had completely given up on. it's incredible how the Lord works that way.

it's left me in awe. as i said, speechless. wordless. i want to tell you my heart, i want to explain to you my feelings, my excitement, the blessing of God's amazing grace which i'm experiencing. but i don't know where to start.

the story? it's short. simple. better than anything i could have imagined. it's crazy how it began, years and years ago. then nine days ago, began again. a new story. a new adventure.

i am marrying jack. high school sweetheart. the kid i met who i thought was too cool to be friends with me. the one who took me to senior prom. the one who i fell in love with while we were broken up. the one who walked through illness with me. the one who remained my friend when i broke his heart. the one who prayed with me through depression and attempted suicide. we're getting married.

under a tree in the middle of my city, he knelt down on one knee and said, "i am in love with you. i want to fight for you for the rest of my life if you say yes. will you marry me?" my dream moment, months before i was expecting it, but not too early, exactly what i needed that easter weekend.

my prayer was that the Lord would make it clear. that if jack was the one who could love me as Christ loves the church, that He would prove it.

boy, did he.

"i want to fight for you, for the rest of my life." does that boy know what i need, or what?

all the little things. like buying me real diamonds when i didn't want them, just to show me how much i mean to him, despite cost. like refusing to call me by name. the past year i've been praying for a man. someone to sweep me off my feet. to surprise me, prove to me, fight me, fight FOR me, and do things his way, in God's timing. God answered my prayers far beyond what i could have asked for or imagined.

since i was 14 years old i have been praying for, writing to, an imagining my husband. i've been planning my wedding day, asking the Lord to prepare me to be a wife. asking Him to write me a beautiful love story.

there is none more beautiful, more fitting for me, and for jack.

i'm in love. i fell in love almost 3 years ago. and the dreams the Lord called me to surrender to Him are now coming true.

the blessings in this life are beautiful. the blessing of love, of living life alongside someone else, BEAUTIFUL.

what's more beautiful?

the picture which this love represents. the greatest blessing in this life here on earth: salvation. the love which the Lord God, the Holy Spirit, the Son Christ Jesus, the HOLY TRINITY has for all of those who believe. the grace which allows us to live by faith, under no law, no condemnation, but FREEDOM.

Christ died on my behalf. on your behalf. and there is no greater love.

i'm excited about the adventure Jack and i are jumping into. this adventure to continue to learn how to love one another with the sacrificial love that Jesus Christ has shown us.

join me in prayer?

Beautiful One, i love You!

i knew it would happen.

philippians 2:1-12 . . . so if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. and being found in human form, He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

i finally cried. on tour. hard.

praise the Lord for answering prayers. you pray to be humbled, to be broken, to be convicted, He does it. and it's a lot harder to handle than you planned. and then He does His thing. He comforts.

a 5 day break and short trip home couldn't have come at a better time. i'm ecstatic, to say the least, to be enveloped by people that give a rip. and i pray the love God has put inside them will refresh me, refresh me so i can come back and perhaps, love more.

if there is any encouragement in Christ.
any comfort from love.
any participation in the Spirit.
any affection and sympathy.

if there is. i know there is at home. and i need it. i NEED You Jesus. i need You to come through. i'm failing. discouraged. broken. alone.

it's so hard to set an example. i'm stuck on the speck in my brothers' eye. i feel so disrespected. but instead of letting Christ work, i continue to TRY to do it on my own.

well, thank the Lord for nights like tonight. times to break down. break down and be FREE. i can't do it. and that's such a freeing thing. i can't handle it, and that's okay. He wants to.

--

i need faith.

--

and the problem is this
we were bought with a kiss
but the cheek still turned
even when it wasn't hit

and i don't know
what to do with a love like that
and i don't know
how to be a love like that

when all the love in the world
is right here among us
and hatred too
and so we must choose
what our hands will do

where there is pain
let there be grace
where there is suffering
bring serenity
for those afraid
help them be brave
where there is misery
bring expectancy
and surely we can change
surely we can change
something

and the problem it seems
is with you and me
not the Love who came
to repair everything

where there is pain
let us bring grace
where there is suffering
bring serenity
for those afraid
let us be brave
where there is misery
let us bring them relief
and surely we can change
surely we can change
oh surely we can change
something

oh, the world's about to change
the whole world's about to change

--

i don't know how to be a love like that.

conversation.

psalm 34:1-3 . . . i will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. my soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together!

together.
let us exalt His name together.

conversation is interesting.

i mentioned something in conversation two days ago, "my mom is really good at keeping conversation focused on truth." i hadn't realized that about my mom until it came out of my mouth. and i hadn't realized until i thought about it how much conversation ISN'T focused. i've some some incredible Christian influences in my life. even on the road, there are 12 other relationships with Christ. 12 other perspectives, backgrounds, and faiths. oh, what could i learn from focused conversation? how could i encourage? how can i be challenged?

i want to be good at focusing conversation on truth. i want to be good at challenging others to think. i want to be able to share my heart, be open about my relationship with the Lord.

these are all things i really need to grow in.

psalm.

psalm 33:20-22 . . . we wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. in Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy Name. may your unfailing love rest upon us, o Lord, even as we put our hope in You.

psalm 25:4-5 . . . make me to know Your ways, o Lord; teach me Your paths. lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait all the day long.

i'm in one of my favorite places in the entire world tonight. looking out a window in front of me, and all i can see are other windows, of big, bright buildings. does it get better? only if the wind isn't blowing. oh chicago. it's funny to think where i was 7 months ago. i thought i was moving here. i thought i was leaving the world i knew at home, and leaving, on my own, for my life adventure in chicago. i thought i was leaving behind the life i thought i wanted, and was going to grow and move on. funny. every time i make plans, You change them.

psalm 33:10-11 . . . the Lord brings the counsel of the nations to nothing; He frustrates the plans of the peoples. the counsel of the Lord stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations.

proverbs 16:9 . . . the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

thanks for establishing me steps.

there is no better place for me than right here. no place better i can ask for, or imagine. that's why i'm thankful for His way, not my own. the plans i had are NOTHING compared to the adventure i'm on now.

thanks Papa. :)

my prayers for you.

one of the most important things i've learned being on tour is to pray for the people around you. this team is nothing like i expected. the "unity" is lacking, or at least, i'm not a part of it. my fault? possibly. but i continue to pray.

missy, my current mentor, has encouraged me repeatedly when i'm struggling with team members, "let's pray." and we do. or her advice, "pray for them." and i do.

this morning, it hit me. paul's prayer in phillippians 1 is my heart! i've been praying this prayer for those i'm struggling with, that i may begin to see them through the eyes of Christ.

philippians 1:3-11 . . . i thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. and i am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. it is right for me to feel this way about you all, because i hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. for God is my witness, how I yearn for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus. and it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

it's the truth. i am thanking God for these people. for the struggles. for who God made them to be. for the work He is doing. i do pray with joy, because the Lord is changing my heart. and because these are my brothers and sisters, fellow children of the Living God. i KNOW the work He has begun, and i'm watching it play out. it's beautiful. i have to constantly remind myself that we are ALL partakers of grace. when my flesh takes ahold, and i'm hurt, worried, angry, i realize again and again the grace that i am under, begin to take of those judgmental eyes and realize the grace we're ALL under. "you are all partakers of grace with me." i pray i don't forget that His grace is enough for all. lastly my prayer is that we will all abound in love, more and more. not so things are more fun. not so that things are easier. but so that we may be pure and blameless on the day of Jesus Christ. filled with the fruit of righteousness. glory and praise to God.

i'm still so needy. i can't keep loving on my own. but praying for my heart to change is all i can do currently. praise God for being a good God who IS at work.

blessed be the Name of the Lord,
blessed be His glorious Name!

today, may MY heart abound with more love than yesterday.
may be scales fall from MY eyes.
may i humble myself before everyone around me.

Jesus, make me more like You.

You are my joy.

i'm broken tonight.

it's amazing to me how one little comment can change the plans of your whole evening. how one sentance can cause your heart to bask in His grace for hours.

i'm not who i want to be. and that's brilliant.

God's grace, alive in me tonight has again saved me. as i'm sitting here counting the grey dots, He reminds me that i'm special. He reminds me that HE made me.

He makes all things glorious.
in the words of David crowder, what does that make me?

maybe those grey dots will stop sticking.


1 john 4:18 . . . there is no fear in Love, but perfect Love casts out [all] fear.

God is Love.
God is that perfect love.
He casts out all fear.


as i was working tonight. a song came on, brought me to tears. covered my body in chills. it was the truth i needed from Christ tonight.

how He loves -- david crowder
He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, i am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. when all of a sudden, i am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, and I realize just how beautiful You are, and how great Your affections are for me.

and oh, how He loves us oh
oh how He loves us,
how He loves us all.

and we are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, if His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. and heaven meets earth like an sloppy wet kiss, and my heart turns violently inside of my chest, i don’t have time to maintain these regrets, when I think about, the way that He loves us.

---

i'm thankful for great worship music still existing.
i'm remembering the faithfulness that He has given in past times of need.
i'm needing words of encouragement.
i'm wanting clarity.

i'm resting.
resting in this ocean of grace.
resting, even as i'm sinking.


Jesus, thanks for being my best friend.

"oversize and rude, fear is unwilling to share the heart with happiness. happiness complies and leaves. do you ever see the two together? can one be happy and afraid at the same time? clear thinking and afraid? confident and afraid? merciful and afraid? no. fear is the big bully in the high school hallway: brash, loud, and unproductive. for all the noise fear makes and room it takes, fear does little good."

"what if faith, not fear, was your default reaction to threats?"

"getting on board with Christ can mean getting soaked with Christ."

"it's not the absence of storms that sets up apart. it's whom we discover in the storm: and unstirred Christ."

"fear corrodes our confidence in God's goodness."

"the fear-filled cannot love deeply. love is risky . . . the fear filled cannot dream wildly."

just started a book, "fearless" by max lucado. wouldn't have picked it up on my own, and i'm not impressed by the writing, but definitely encouraged by the topic. i've certainly lived a lot of my life in fear. still do. really feel like it's the root of most of the sin in my life. the point of the book is to realize Christ's promise in His statement, "why are you afraid?" the promise that we can leave tomorrow less afraid than today. fear itself isn't a sin, but can lead to sin.

more to come. i've been thinking more than writing the past couple of days. usually not the best.

thankful.

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, you're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

--

ephesians 2:4-7 . . . but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ— by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

2 corinthians 5:17 . . . therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Lord, we praise You for who You are, what You have done, and the life YOU have given us. without You, i'm unholy. without You, i'm unworthy. Lord, YOU have clothed me in holiness, worth, grace, love, joy, peace, and abundant life.

i can't focus on anything these days but what He has done for me. crazy theme going on in my walk-- :Lord, give me the grace to respond to the gospel. give me the grace to love the way that You have loved me.

Beautiful One, i love you.

short and sweet.

psalm 18:28 . . . You, o Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

psalm 18:30-32 . . . as for God, His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in Him. for who is God besides the Lord? and who is the Rock except our God? it is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.

"and i can't sing loud enough, when i'm singing to You my God." -phil wickham

really, there is nothing more glorious than what has been done for me, and for you. there is nothing more refreshing than dwelling on that grace that saved me from darkness and calls me to walk in the light.

there is NOTHING more refreshing than the spirit working inside you calling you to do things you could and would NEVER do on your own.

thank You Jesus for answering prayer. for changing me. for loving me. make that love overflow.

good.

psalm 16:2 . . . I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

no good thing.

that means He dwells in every good thing. every blessing comes from His hands.

so, what defines a good thing?

psalm 84:11 . . . no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.

matthew 7:7-11 . . . "ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. for everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? if you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

He gives good gifts. and He withholds nothing good. therefore everything He gives is good, everything you ask for and do not receive is evil [i know, that's bold].

everything i have, every situation i face, everyone i come in contact with, all these things are good. part of Your holy will for my life.

it's amazing. life is amazing.

i'm pretty much in awe of the abundant life the Lord gives. He desires to give. He blesses. His love is overwhelming.

Your love is extravagant.
Your friendship, it is intimate.
i feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace.
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place.
Your love is extravagant.

the simple things in life have never meant more to me. i've always wanted this, but never been filled the way i've pleaded. until now. spending time in small towns, staying up late doing nothing, having a conversation with someone i don't know. it's beautiful.

Lord, i'm in awe of Your grace.

i will wait on You.

psalm 13 . . . how long, o Lord? will You forget me forever? how long will You hide your face from me? how long must i take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? how long shall my enemy be exalted over me? consider and answer me, o Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, "i have prevailed over him,"lest my foes rejoice because i am shaken. but i have trusted in Your steadfast love, my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation. i will sing to the Lord, because He has dealt bountifully with me.

i am shaken.
BUT.
i will sing to the Lord for He has, He has been good to me.

i will wait on You.
i will wait on You.
i will wait on You.

waiting Lord.

psalm 27:13-14 . . . i had fainted, unless i had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thine heart: wait, i say, on the Lord.

psalm 37:5 . . . commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

psalm 37:7 . . . rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him . . .

psalm 62:5-8 . . . my soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation: He is my defense; i shall not be moved. in God is my salvation and my glory: the Rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. trust in Him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before Him: God is a refuge for us.

isaiah 40:28 . . . hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of His understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: but they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

lamentations 3:25 . . . the Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeks Him.

micah 7:5-7 . . . put no trust in a neighbor; have no confidence in a friend, guard the doors of your mouth from her who lies in your arms; for the son treats the father with contempt, the daughter rises up against her mother, the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; a man’s enemies are the men of his own house. but as for me, i will look to the Lord; i will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.

romans 8:24-25 . . . for in this hope we were saved. now hope that is seen is not hope. for who hopes for what he sees? but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

psalm 46:1 . . . God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

--

"it's not faith if you're using your eyes." -- paramore

psalm 118- shane & shane

give thanks to the Lord for He is good
His love endures forever
He is my strength and He's my song
His love endures forever
i will proclaim what He has done
His love endures forever

i will enter and give thanks to Him
this holy gate the righteous may enter
i will give You thanks
You answered me, You are my salvation

this is the day the Lord has made
i will rejoice and be glad in it
this is the day the Lord has made

--

i don't want to sound miserable. i'm not miserable. i'm simply in need. once again, the absolute best place. though not fun, i don't want to be anywhere else but on my knees before the Lord.

being in a place where the Word is your only comfort is a challenge, but a blessing. this is simply a season, and a season which the Lord's faithfulness and holy Word will get me through.

i know with one word You can answer my plea in my favor, but Lord, Your will, not mine. learning to wait is a joy. i'm finding joy in knowing You are at work. and in the blessings of Your timing.

--

have you ever ended up somewhere, not sure how you got there? then the Lord uses it to bless all involved? yesterday, the Lord took a group of us into a gift shop where He showed His glorious face. His beautiful face. in the eyes of a hurting mother, in the hugs of an encouraging body, in the words of four friends simply basking in His presence.

thank You Jesus for these times.

psalm 9:1-2 . . . i will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; i will recount all of Your wonderful deeds. i will be glad and exult in Your Name, o Most High.

been counting my blessings the past couple of days. its really helped change my perspective. that, along with some great encouragement by a new friend. i'm excited about how the Lord is challenging me right now. and very blessed by His faithfulness in granting me some great conversation, and fun times.

new thoughts last night. about life. what i want to do, and how once again, i realize i'm always limiting myself. the things i want to do, i've always told myself i can't. so, now i'm evaluating. again. what do i want in life. [more on that.]

matthew 13:44 . . . the Kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. which a man found and covered up. then in His joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.

what's my treasure?

You are. Lord, make Your way straight before me [psalm 5:8].

that's it.

dichotomy.

i'm distracted.
i'm frustrated.
i'm confused.
i'm questioning.

i've found myself to be very judgmental. more so than i've ever been. i see the things you do as a ploy for attention. i see your shoulder shrug as a defense mechanism. i see your friendliness as artificial.
i see myself.

i'm being stretched.
i'm challenged.
i'm encouraged.
i'm amazed.

it's brilliant to see Your hand. it's comforting to be in need. i love because You do.
i see You.

--

yeah, i'm struggling. but it's brilliantly joyful. there is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. truth.

psalm 5:7-8 . . . but i, through the abundance of Your steadfast love, will enter Your house. i will bow down toward Your holy temple in fear of You. lead me, o Lord, in Your righteousness . . . make Your way straight before me.

through the abundance of YOUR steadfast love...make YOUR way straight before me.

there is nothing good in me. only in You.
there is nothing good in my plan. only in You.
there is nothing good in my heart. only in You.

by Your grace, Jesus, beautiful Jesus, change me.

--

matthew 13:23 . . . as for what was sown on good soil, this is the one who hears the word and understands it. he indeed bears fruit and yields, in one case a hundredfold, in another sixty, and in another thirty.

"when the harvest time is over and i still see no fruit, i will wait for You."

--

psalm 6:2-4 . . . be gracious to me, o Lord, for i am languishing; heal me, o Lord, for my bones are troubled. my soul also is greatly troubled. but You, o Lord—how long? turn, o Lord, deliver my life; save me for the sake of your steadfast love.

--

i miss the right questions.
listening ears.
challenging words.

for the first time in my life, as i try to figure people out, i can't. i can't even figure myself out. that's where i'm thankful for an all-knowing Savior who cradles me.

--

i feel bi-polar right now.
crazy ups and downs.
i'm a girl.
and today, that bothers me.


dichotomy.
division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups: a dichotomy between thought and action.

it's been a defining word for me for a long time.
instead, You define me.

John 1:12 - i am a child of God.

John 15:15 - i am Christ's friend.

John 15:16 - i am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear His fruit.

Acts 1:8 - i am a personal witness of Christ for Christ.

Romans 3:24 - i have been justified and redeemed.

Romans 6:1-6 - i died with Christ and died to the power of sin's rule in my life.

Romans 6:7 - i have been freed from sin's power over me.

Romans 6:18 - i am a slave of righteousness.

Romans 8:1 - i am forever free from condemnation.

Romans 8:17 - i am an heir of God and fellow heir with Christ.

Romans 11:16 - i am holy.

Romans 15:7 - Christ has accepted me.

1 Corinthians 1:2 - i have been sanctified.

1 Corinthians 1:30 - i have been placed in Christ by God's doing; Christ is now my wisdom from God, my righteousness, my sanctification, and my redemption.

1 Corinthians 2:12 - i have received the Spirit of God into my life that I might know the things freely given to me by God.

1 Corinthians 2:16 - i have been given the mind of Christ.

1 Corinthians 3:16; 6:19 - i am a temple of God; His Spirit [life] dwells in me.

1 Corinthians 6:17 - i am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.

1 Corinthians 6:19,20 - i have been bought with a price; I am not my own; I belong to God.

2 Corinthians 2:14 - He always leads me in His triumph in Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:14,15 - since I have died, i no longer live for myself, but for Christ.

2 Corinthians 5:17 - i am a new creation.

2 Corinthians 5:21 - i am the righteousness of God in Christ.

Galatians 2:20 - i have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I am now living is Christ's life.

Ephesians 1:3 - i am blessed with every spiritual blessing.

Ephesians 1:4 - i was chosen in Christ before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blame before Him.

Ephesians 1:7,8 - i have been redeemed and forgiven, and am a recipient of His lavish grace.

Ephesians 2:10 - i am God's workmanship, created in Christ to do His work that He planned beforehand that I should do.

Ephesians 2:13 - i have been brought near to God.

Ephesians 2:18 - i have direct access to God through the Spirit.

Ephesians 3:12 - i may approach God with boldness and confidence.

Ephesians 4:24 - i am righteous and holy.

Philippians 4:7 - His peace guards my heart and my mind.

Philippians 4:19 - God will supply all my needs.

Colossians 1:13 - i have been delivered from the domain of darkness and transferred to the kingdom of Christ.

Colossians 1:14 - i have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. The debt against me has been canceled.

Colossians 1:27 - Christ Himself is in me.

Colossians 2:10 - i have been made complete in Christ.

Colossians 2:12,13 - i have been buried, raised, and made alive with Christ, and totally forgiven.

Colossians 3:4 - Christ is now my life.

Colossians 3:12 - i am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved.

2 Timothy 1:7 - i have been given a spirit of power, love, and discipline.

2 Timothy 1:9 - i have been saved and called according to God's purpose and grace.

1 Peter 2:9,10 - i am a part of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of God's own possession.

1 Peter 2:11 - i am an alien and stranger to this world that I temporarily live in.

2 Peter 1:4 - i have been given God's precious and magnificent promises by which I am a partaker of the divine nature.

1 John 4:15 - God is in me and I am in God.

--

i'll repeat over and over.

galatians 2:20 . . . i have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer i who live, but Christ who lives in me. and the life i now live in the flesh i live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.
colossians 3:4 . . . when Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory.
colossians 2:10 . . . and you have been given fullness in Christ, Who is the head over every power and authority.

take a sad song, and make it better.

matthew 13:16-17 . . . but blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear. for truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.

isn't it beautiful to be a child of God? to have a Father who listens? to have a friend to cares? to have arms that are always open?

He chose me.
He opened my eyes. blessed my eyes.
He allows me to hear.
He gives me wisdom to understand.

i'm feeling overwhelmed with joy this morning. empowered by the Word. what a blessing to be given life.

romans 8:10 . . . if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness.

philippians 1:21 . . . for to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

life. in. death.
my friends, there is life in laying down.

romans 12:1 . . . i appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

we are made complete when His glory is satisfied.

can i get an amen?!

what's in my heart?

i'm kind of feeling like i'm not me. when did relating to people become so hard? maybe it's coming into a group alone, and everyone knows each other better than jack and jill. or, maybe it's me?

i guess reality is, at portfolio it was the same. so the past couple of times i've been placed in a new group of people, i've shut down. these people are great. a lot like my friends. but for some reason, i'm not connected. it's only been 5 days. i understand that. things take time. there are a few people i can have a conversation with, but others that make me feel completely out of place. it's a challenge for me. for sure not what i'm used to.

you at home, i miss you. i miss being around people i can cry with. people i can laugh with. people i can be me, be crazy, be odd....but maybe it's a pride thing.

my prayer is, Lord, that You would humble me. give me a heart to serve and love the people i'm around. laying myself down, thinking about how i can give, and not receive.


i am encouraged though. it's super cool how many kids see the face of the Lord through our shows. even though i have no clue what i'm doing. even though i haven't found how i can actually help instead of being in the way, the shows are making an impact. though i have nothing to do with it, i'm encouraged. once again, humbled.

i'm in a place of need. the best place to be. i don't want to be anywhere else but needing You.

Your will, not mine.

the repeated challenge.

matthew 10:26-27 . . . so have no fear of them, for nothing that is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. what I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

matthew 10:39 . . . whoever finds His life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

i'm one of those people who continues to want to do more. i'll never be in a place of satisfaction. i'm thankful, now, that the Lord has created me this way. because now, instead of having the desire to perfect myself, i have a desire to try harder to further His kingdom. in Him, my joy is complete.

----

went to Lakewood's youngadults group last night. you know, joel osteen's church. great group. i was really encouraged by their desire to reach out. as well as their desire for personal growth, even within a huge body. they pound you with getting involved in a small group, that's great.

the message was on submission. truly submitting in all relationships, and what that looks like.

ephesians 5:21 . . . submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

submitting is giving up your "rights," is what was explained. your right to attention, care, words of affirmation, you know, all the things you expect from others. we were encouraged to go into a room thinking about how we can give, truly serve, instead of how we can receive and benefit from those around us.

this is the way Christ lived.
therefore, it's my prayer that He will continue to sanctify my heart and place for me on the front of my mind a how-t0-serve attitude.

----

He blesses.
what a mighty God we serve.

and here i am.

it's been a while since the last public blog. but this is probably the first of many for while i'm on the road.

not sure where to begin, it's been a long day. one of those days that seems like a dream cause you're walking around basically asleep but having to act like you're all there. know what i mean? maybe.

i have to confess, i didn't spend my flight reading the Word, or wake up early to dig in. instead i've been anxious and scatter-brained. but i'm re-focusing now. the reason why i'm here is written on my arm. the reason for the trip is written on my heart.

psalm 30:11-12 . . . You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever!

do not be silent.

one thing to the next.

12:42 pm. phone rings. it's jeff.
jeff is the tour leader from silver ring thing.
jeff is the one who e-mailed me december 14 saying the team was full, they found who they needed.
jeff says to me, "we're adding to the team, we have over 60 events planed between now and may, and we need more team members, you're at the top of my list."
i call daddy.
daddy suggests because of my health, and where i'm at currently, i wait until february 9, after our family cruise.
i call jack.
i call mrs. hollis.
we're meeting at 4:30.
i call jeff again.
jeff says it's okay for me to join in february, and they will help with $100 of my plane ticket to get there.
jeff encourages that i seek support from friends and family.
all the while i'm talking online to josiah, christy, gabriel, trent, and jack.
i'm texting emily.
i'm e-mailing arron, susan, francesca, josiah, teresa, and scott.
i'm messaging the girls who are praying.
jeff calls again. he can get me a ticket from atlanta to houston on february 9 for $99.
susan e-mails back saying she had just prayed for me this morning in regards to SRT.

i'm blown away.
what a mighty God i serve.
truth: He does more than we can ask or imagine.

ephesians 3:20 . . . now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Your hands, my Lord, are so big. Your love and Your goodness are beyond comprehension. i'm in a place of extremely joy and thankfulness. i praise You Lord for You are good, Your love endures forever.

"God let me not be distracted, Lord help me focus on you.
keep sin from ruining my life Lord, make me holy and pure.
Father You pick me up, i feel like a child in Your arms.
i don't deserve this love but, i hear Your voice Lord Jesus." -rebecca st. james.



Lord, You are more precious than silver
Lord, You are more costly than gold
Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds
and nothing i desire compares with You.